I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
