accomplished twins. life is a go
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
