my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
