i think my mom watched the whole time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
