ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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