Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize