Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
