bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
