like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize