Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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