I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Blood and glitter go together right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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