Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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