bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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