We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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