Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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