Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize