sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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