Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
