Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
