I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
