genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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