well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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