i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
