I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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