I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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