the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
