it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
