My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
