we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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