I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
