Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
