The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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