Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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