I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Damn victory sex feels great
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
