is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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