I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
