I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
