actually, I'm a sock model
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
