a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
