Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
