Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
