i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
