being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
