I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
