why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
