If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
