Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
