My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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