also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
