i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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