Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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