I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize