does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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