You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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