When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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