You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
