My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
