You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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