soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
