Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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