Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
