he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Acid is not a monday night drug
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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