i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
