did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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