Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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