We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
