I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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