i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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