I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
