Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
