i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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