I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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