He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
