my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
