In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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