she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
