...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
