I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
