That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
