She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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