she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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