I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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