I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
