I seem to have left my pride at pride
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
