You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she told me i tasted like america
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
