when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she smelled like a LAN party
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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