insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize