You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
