I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
