Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
