we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
