Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize