I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
