You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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