I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
