So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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