So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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