Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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