Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize