Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
