I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
