I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
