I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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