Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
