SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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