I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
