Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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